


A DIFFERENT LIFE

by girlwithacrown



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: AU- Sirius is the secret keeper, Angst, Comfort, Fidelius Charms, First War with Voldemort, Freeform, Isolation, Loneliness, M/M, Mentioned Peter Pettigrew, Mentioned Regulus Black, Not Canon Compliant, On the Run, Paranoia, Smoking, Swearing, Why did I think it would be a good idea, it's really not, soft remus, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:33:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23261026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girlwithacrown/pseuds/girlwithacrown
Summary: Sirius Black is on the run, the only thing that keeps him going is the knowledge that he has to protect the secret - whatever it costs.--------------Short Wolfstar-Freeform written for hazplupin fan fic contest on instagram ❤️---------------
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 7
Kudos: 40





	A DIFFERENT LIFE

The dark-haired man woke shaking, his storm-blue eyes gasping open, searching through the dark for the figure of his attacker. A soft sign escaped his lips, as he realised that it had just been another nightmare.

Without bothering for any light, he reached for the soft pack of cigarettes on the nightstand. Stuck between his lips the cigarette lit up by itself. The man took a deep drag, his lungs revolting, but the rest of his body relaxing with the drug entering his systems. There was a glass of water standing on the bedside table, and he gulped down almost all of the cool liquid once the tremor in his hand had died down.  
Five years and he still woke up most nights, just before dawn, paranoid with fear. The man clenched the heavy amulet that rested on his chest, the metal hot from the skin beneath it, the red liquid inside pulsating in sync with his heartbeat.

The window of the small hotel room was closed and shut out the sounds of a city waking in the light of dawn.

He had been in this place for too long. He reminded himself that he mustn't let his guard down. Three days in one place max, that was the rule. He packed in a hurry, still paranoid with the dark dream clinging to his mind, he mumbled to himself, half of the time trying to calm himself and to remind himself that he shouldn’t be mumbling to himself; it was a sign of madness and he needed to stay clear, always alert.

As usually, he had paid the room upfront using one of his counterfeit IDs. He would need a haircut and a shave before renting a new place, best to look as mundane as possible, a middle-class muggle businessman on a boring work trip. He would stop at the small barber-shop round the corner on his way. He didn't trust himself enough to put a blade to his pale skin.

There was a cigarette burn on the sleeve of his white shirt, with a whip of his wand it disappeared, the whispered spell that accompanied it coming out in a scratchy voice, the voice of a man that hadn’t spoken in the last five days. Best to use magic only on the days of travel - he couldn't risk it being traced back to him.

The suitcase felt heavy in his hand, and the man acknowledged his belly’s growl for food. Better to get something to eat before traveling. It was hard enough to keep up the strength and magic to apparate five times in a short span, even with a full stomach.

He skipped some of the stairs on his way down to the lobby. It was still early and the staff around him was busy with the breakfast preparations and he had the dining hall to himself. There was white bread and cheese, olives and fruits and for a short moment, the dark-haired man was craving the smell of beacon that had accompanied the happier times in his life. One could never get a Full English in these parts of the world, let alone a decent cup of Prince of Wales.

His suitcase still in one hand, the other balancing a helping of scrambled eggs, he turned. The plate hit the floor and his arm stretched out, his hand firmly closed around his wand.

His eyes widened, his mind screaming - ‘that’s it, Sirius, you finally have gone mental’.

The figure standing in front of him, slowly raising their arms, seemed to have read his mind: 'Calm now, Sirius. It’s ok, everything is okay'

With a quick look towards the door, the dark-haired wizard threw a spell, the door instantly locking itself.  
'You can’t be here. The borders were closed. Nobody can get out!', his voice still sounded raw and scratchy and he cursed himself for the tremble that accompanied his words.

The other man kept his arms raised, making a point of showing his empty hands. But, knowing what Sirius knew, he couldn’t let his guard down, not in the presence of a dark magical creature with its supernatural strength, no matter who they had been, no matter how close they had been in a different life.

'The war is over, Sirius. It’s okay. We are okay'.

Sirius' eyes widened, his body trembling, but his wand hand still firm. 'How do I know you are real? How do I know you are not with them?'

There was a flutter of hurt on the werewolf’s face, but it was gone as fast at it had arrived.  
'Voldemort is dead'

The name sent a shiver down his spine, he hadn’t heard it spoken in five years.

'Voldemort is dead!', the sentence was spoken with even more determination, '... the wars won - it’s time to come home, Pads'.

His nickname spoken with such softness by his former lover gave Sirius the rest, he let his arm drop.

The next thing he knew was that arms were enclosing him in a hug, a soft kiss being planted on his forehead. 'It’s okay, you protected them, they are safe. You are safe'.

Now tears were streaming down his face, dampening the werewolf's travel robes. Clinging onto the figure, Sirius could feel the skinny body underneath and he let go of the man, following the sudden urge to check if he really was real. 'Remus, you didn’t change one bit. How can that be? I always wondered if you would be different … after five years?'  
His voice gave out at the end and he just looked at his former lover, the love of his life, a past life, so it felt. His shoulders clenched under the knowledge that he had changed so much.

Remus took a step forward, his fingers moving to touch the face he once had known so well, better than his own: 'We all changed, you just cling onto what hasn’t'.

The dim lighting of the dining hall flickered and Sirius could see what he had meant. There were dark shadows on the werewolf’s face, new scars accompanying the olds and Remus’ hair was streaked with white.

'So they are safe?', Sirius' mind was still frozen in shock and there was only one thought that came through, the only thought that had been on his mind from the second he had stepped into the green fire to escape the war.  
'They are safe. You kept your promise and their secret'

A wave of relief washed over him and he let go of the suitcase he had still been holding in his cramping hand. Now that this thought was out, it seemed that nothing could hold him together anymore and he collapsed on the soft carpeted floor; half laughing, half sobbing.

Remus face leveled with him, his first wrinkles deep with concern: 'You did everything right. They are safe'

The soft voice was too much for Sirius to bare and an angry voice escape his mouth, the same angry voice that had been echoing through his mind for all those years -  
'I should have killed him. I should have killed this fucking RAT when I had the chance … but I couldn’t do it, Remus …. I couldn’t kill him …. he was standing in front of me, pressing me to hand him the charm ... first, he said it’s not safe with me ... that I am too reckless to be the secret keeper … that I will get them killed ... that James never should have trusted me … I knew he was right, but there was something in his eyes … something evil ... something wicked. And I just, I didn’t know what I should do and don’t know what I would have done -'

It was the same all over again, the same reasoning he had played through in his mind since the day he had left.

'All of a sudden Regulus was at his side, he did something to him and told me to run … he handed me the floo powder and I knew he somehow managed a way for me to escape ... to go as far as I could and that I could trust him … no matter what had happened before ...I saw in his eyes that he was disgusted by Peter….', he had played the argument so often in his mind that he could not even bring himself to look up, he knew he sounded manic, he knew that Remus would hate him for blaming their friend to be a traitor and using him as an excuse… -

'I swear Remus, something was not right with him … I should have killed him ... I should have killed him there and then - ' tears were streaming down his face.

Sirius jerked away from the touch of the other’s fingers, fingers that tried to capture the tears. Remus didn’t seem angry, far from it. Once more, strong arms wrapped around Sirius.

'You did the right thing, you couldn't have killed him. We didn’t know. Nobody of us knew, but this wasn’t Peter, not really, not our Peter. Voldemort had already gotten to him'

Again, the sound of the name swept through him. 'What do you mean, what did he do to him?'

'I guess Peter was a braver Gryffindor than we ever gave him credit for, not a smart one, but brave. The moment he realised he had been turned into a Horcrux he killed himself. I am sorry'.

Sirius gasped, that was what he had been seeing, the evil lurking in Peter’s eyes.

'Fuck me, Peter Pettigrew turned into a Horcrux?'. A storm of images was set loose in his mind, pictures of the chubby kid emerged, Peter, his friend Peter that he had cursed, whom he wished he had killed for so long.

'Voldemort must have thought it would be a clever idea, a pure-blood Gryffindor, a wizard skilled enough to become an animagus, the bloodline strong enough to hold such magic. His only option to trace the Potters and to prevent the prophecy.  
... The only thing he didn’t account for was stupidly brave Gryffindors. And come to think of it, a stupidly brave Slytherin and a Gryffindor ready to run to protect his loved ones'.

'So James and Lily are okay? And Harry?'

'Yes' … there was another kiss planted on his dark hair and suddenly Sirius shivered with another thought he had been unable to shake, what did the betrayal of the Dark Lord had cost his brother? : 'Regulus ... did he survive?'

'Yeah', another kiss. 'One of Lestrange’s curses hit him pretty bad so the contest for prettiest Black brother might be settled, but yes he is alive'.

Sirius chuckled, he hadn’t chuckled in years, probably he hadn’t chuckled in more than five years, he couldn’t remember the last time.

'Sirius... it’s time to go home'

'Where is home?'

'Where it always has been - with me'.

The determination in Remus' eyes suddenly swept through the room and Sirius could vaguely make out the faint smell of fried bacon, old books, and dried ink.

He clenched the amulet around his neck: 'Yeah, Moony’, he smiled, ‘sounds good'.

____________

Fanart for this fic on my [tumblr](https://girlwithacrown.tumblr.com/post/613301004559122432/sirius-black-is-on-the-run-the-only-thing-that)

**Author's Note:**

> My first heavy-ish angst! (Writing) this was a rollercoaster - leave a kudo if you enjoyed the ride and comment to make me eternally greatful 
> 
> For everyone who is annoyed by it - Sorry for the Peter redemption arc lol that's the way it came out.


End file.
